What Do You Really Want?
Posted by: Stephen Rigby at 10:43, August 7 2014.

Imagine for a moment that you are walking along a deserted beach and you come across an old oil lamp.  Rubbing the sand off with your sleeve is rewarded by a puff of smoke and the appearance of a genie who offers you one wish (I know that traditionally one gets three but we have got a bit of a depressed economy at the moment!)

For what would you wish?

This is the stuff of fairy tails but a story line that crops up in various forms – usually with a negative outcome.  The moral is always linked to the consequences of greed or to demonstrate that getting what one wants does not always deliver the expected results.  We have all heard the saying “be careful what you wish for because you just may get it!” 

Why Should We Not Have What We Really Want?

Problems arise when we wish for the wrong thing but who would deliberately do that? 

Look at this equation: a + b = c

To understand the equation; “a” is where you are now, “c” is where you want to be and “b” is how you get there.  The danger with wishes is one tends to wish for “b” (e.g. win the lottery) believing that it will bring “c” (e.g. happiness) and that may or may not be the case. 

Wanting the Wrong Things

A lot of time and effort can be wasted if one gets the equation wrong.  When people come for hypnotherapy or life coaching, I often see errors in people’s strategies.  For example, I see many people who express the belief that losing weight (“b”) will make them happier (“c”).  Since comfort eating (eating to create the illusion of happiness) is a common cause of excess weight, the statement “if I were happier I would lose weight” is probably more correct.  To put it another way, if your excess weight is due to comfort eating, your pursuit of happiness (“c”) will prevent you implementing your strategy “lose weight” (“b”).  

How Does One Decide?

Part of any process of achievement starts with formulation of a strategy (so one is forced to create the formula “a + b = c”).  If you confuse your strategy and desired outcome you may spend a lot of time, money and effort to achieve very little. 

Correctly classifying and recognising the difference between ones goals and strategies does help in deciding ones path in life (or what you really want) but the truth is, it is sometimes very difficult to work that out.  If it were that easy there would not be such a market in “Self Help” books and Life Coaches would not exist.